My Journey

Accountability Mirror I did the accountability mirror, even though I thought it was cringey and dumb while reading it. I thought that this was not how it worked. I'd written down my goals before, although that was far more lax. You rile yourself up, push yourself with great effort, and make a little progress, and then you crash, burn, and fall back two steps after taking only one. That's what I did. Still, I had heard David speak, I'd looked him in his eyes as he did, and I deeply respected the man. I was determined to give this a real shot. I read the challenge at night, woke up in the morning, and when I wrote down my goals on the sticky notes, I was sincere. I wrote down all the big ones, and while speaking to myself, I gave myself tasks for the day to make progress on each one. After many years, I felt like I was making some real progress yesterday. I didn't get much sleep, and I didn't complete them all. Today, I woke up feeling disheartened, and didn't hav...

I've been stressing out about my relationships my entire life. The lack of a romantic one, the superficiality of my paternal ones, the lack of depth in the ones with my siblings, and the consistent inconsistency in all of my friendships. I've always heard that you're born alone and you die alone, and you're pretty much always alone so better get used to it. I remember when I was younger, I used to fantasize about it. How weak these simp like men were who were being controlled by women. How wonderful a truly independent life would be. How ideal. How freeing.  To my mind now, only my brother Bhuvan seems to be living an ideal life. Full of challenges for sure, not without his own share of terrible suffering, but still happy, and kind. Never allowing himself to get bitter and depressed. That's what it seems to me now anyway. Past few days I've been going back and forth on it. On one hand I thought the new year and the Christmas weekend are a time to socialise and b...

"It's not wrong to be selfish. It's actually the most beautiful thing a person can be.  To be selfish means to be yourself." - You tell me who said that in the comments without googling it I 've   heard many people being called selfish for many things, none of which could be considered particularly admirable. Unfortunately due to some incompetence, ignorance, and arbitrary occurrences we have arrived at a culture that misrepresents the value of selfishness and demonizes the supposed selfish individual. Not without good reason either, but my point remains. My point being that the word selfish, just like every other word you think you know, needs to be redefined. That's a great practice btw, notice how when you're reading something you sometimes work out the meaning of the word from the context in which it's used? Well, guess what? Most of the words you know have been learned in the same manner, by assumption rather than inquiry. By someone giving it to ...