My Journey

I've experienced something interesting. It was essentially a 2-hour lecture by Dr. Gabor Mate on healing. The first thing I want to note down was his understanding of compassion and the 5 levels of it: Ordinary Human Compassion: When you feel pain, so do I. This first level is something almost all of us are capable of some of the time. It's important but very basic. It feels uncomfortable when seeing the homeless and painful when hearing an animal cry out. It's what drives people to console someone who is crying, in hopes of making them stop. Compassion of Understanding: Going deeper to ask, "Why the pain?" This is essentially a deeper level of empathy that takes a closer look, seeking to understand someone with curiosity. It's about wanting to know who a person is, beyond their present behavior. It's what might drive someone to have a real, heart-to-heart conversation with someone to understand why they were crying. Compassion of Recognition:  Gabor des...

Accountability Mirror I did the accountability mirror, even though I thought it was cringey and dumb while reading it. I thought that this was not how it worked. I'd written down my goals before, although that was far more lax. You rile yourself up, push yourself with great effort, and make a little progress, and then you crash, burn, and fall back two steps after taking only one. That's what I did. Still, I had heard David speak, I'd looked him in his eyes as he did, and I deeply respected the man. I was determined to give this a real shot. I read the challenge at night, woke up in the morning, and when I wrote down my goals on the sticky notes, I was sincere. I wrote down all the big ones, and while speaking to myself, I gave myself tasks for the day to make progress on each one. After many years, I felt like I was making some real progress yesterday. I didn't get much sleep, and I didn't complete them all. Today, I woke up feeling disheartened, and didn't hav...

A Tantalizing Vision I actually have a lot of work to do today. After God knows how many years, I've finally set some actionable goals for myself for today, each of which will lead me closer to my ultimate mission. I'm surprised to say that I've been enjoying it as well! However, my professional project may soon require me to interact with people, so I figure this is a good time to establish the brand for my company. I had a visionary revelation a week ago, when I was just coming down from my latest weed binge. See, I've always been torn between my divulging passions. I have these personal projects that seem to pull me in different directions, and I found myself having to choose between them. I wanted to start a food blog and build a sustainable lifestyle brand to leverage my formal education and culinary experience. I also loved how practical, hands-on, and useful it was. In doing research and writing content, I figured I could learn all about that stuff.  I'm talk...

When I used to work in the kitchen, the work was simple. Show up, do as you're told, give a good service, ensure smooth operations by upholding the SOPs, go home, rinse and repeat. It wasn't easy and it was extremely tedious at times, but goddamnit it was simple. I wasn't passionate about food as such, just willing to do good work. The many months when I hated it and did not want to do it, I still showed up and did my job. That's what professionals do, you know? Unfortunately, after a good few years of trying, it seems I am still no professional writer. I struggle a lot with motivation, procrastination, and just being unable to move. I figured it was because of the industry; there aren't exactly SOPs and protocols to follow in creative writing. I thought it was a systemic issue; There was an inherent need for me to use my brain, which somehow warranted motivation, or so I thought. I figured that in the kitchen, I was simply going through the motions, just following ...

Are Dreams Useless? I doubt I'm the only one with big dreams. I reckon almost everyone had something grand in their lives that they wanted to achieve. For me, it's becoming a great storyteller; for others, it might be making money, settling down in a lounge, or nurturing a beautiful, loving family. What keeps us from achieving these things? Sure, every journey is different, but I think there might be something that ties all the broken, abandoned, and unfulfilled dreams of ours together.  I'll start with me. The best stories I have come across have given me a reason to live. They made me feel when I was numb, and showed me a whole new universe where I saw pitch-black darkness before. On the one hand, I want to do this because I want to carry on the sacred tradition of myth-making. On the other hand, I definitely enjoyed experiencing stories more than most other things, perhaps it will be the same as an author? All it took was a few hours and a computer screen to rid me of th...