Motivational Hazard

When I used to work in the kitchen, the work was simple. Show up, do as you're told, give a good service, ensure smooth operations by upholding the SOPs, go home, rinse and repeat. It wasn't easy and it was extremely tedious at times, but goddamnit it was simple. I wasn't passionate about food as such, just willing to do good work. The many months when I hated it and did not want to do it, I still showed up and did my job. That's what professionals do, you know?

Unfortunately, after a good few years of trying, it seems I am still no professional writer. I struggle a lot with motivation, procrastination, and just being unable to move. I figured it was because of the industry; there aren't exactly SOPs and protocols to follow in creative writing. I thought it was a systemic issue; There was an inherent need for me to use my brain, which somehow warranted motivation, or so I thought.

I figured that in the kitchen, I was simply going through the motions, just following someone else's recipes. Now, I have to design the entire menu myself, in a sense. You can't just show up and start moving; you need to think and make decisions. For that, being invested, interested, and engaged with the project should be required. 

However, as I write this out and reflect upon it, it's not all that different. You have your research, followed by a first draft, a break, editing, polishing, and then publishing. I reckon the biggest difference is that I was professionally trained to work in a kitchen. For three years of my life, my primary aim in life was just to prepare for a career in the culinary arts. Then, I got the opportunity to put my training, knowledge, and ideas to use in the real world.

Joining the workforce, I had to forget everything I learned in college temporarily, to gel with the people I worked with better. There, I learned a completely new skill set which complemented my training and theoretical knowledge beautifully. Working is all about making money. It's about delivering tangible results on a promise in a timely manner. A worker's growth, learning, and depth of understanding can never be a priority at work.

Only the work can matter. While in the kitchen, I had the pleasure of learning the world's best practices in a low-pressure environment before grinding it out. However, as a writer, all I've been able to do is work, self-learn from books, and practice. Unsurprisingly, when a whole group of professionals comes together over centuries to figure out how to pass on all their knowledge to the next generation, they can do a little better than that.

A curriculum with theory and practicals, tests and grading, real-life exposure, and more. That's what my college gave me, and what I miss as a writer. I simply don't have the skill-building, support, guidance, advice, and validating experiences to enable me. Now, I'm tempted to throw a bucket of optimism on this reality. "So I'll just make learning and growth a priority. I'll give myself a college education." 

Somehow, that's missing the point. I'm not just digging at my motivations here to manipulate, optimise, or keep going better, I genuinely want to understand the real shit that drives us. Me, specifically. I don't believe that you can sit and think your way to a better life. Solving problems and real change most often come with action, and human beings are very much products of their environments.

Yet, how does that help anyone who isn't in a position of power? You know, most fucking people on Earth at any given point. If nature is all that matters, then they should shoot all the sick, dumb, and ugly people to refine the gene pool. I doubt anyone would try, considering how it worked out for the last guy. It seems like that is the secretive, unspoken assumption. So many things in life remain unspoken. 

There's a magical sense in the implicit, like a thrilling mystery. A flirtatious dance. An exciting game. Internally, we see this world as a mountain to be conquered, like greedy children high on sugar. We see competence as a path to power, playing the control and influence game. Success or failure, kindness and compassion become the other side of this coin. 

"Guys all want the same thing, and it's disgusting." "Everyone just wants to be happy." "I want to make a lot of money." Secrets are thrilling. Doing things is fun. Fitting in a group is even better. No point in complicating the essential facts: We all want to live a good life full of more pleasure than pain. All the details allow for that singular, most significant fact. The rest of it can be analysed and dissected for insight, but that's the bottom line, I suppose.

Motivation can be seen through Maslow's Hierarchy, S.P.I.R.E in the science of happiness, or C.A.R. and flow states in Self-Determination Theory. That's where you'd start, if you do your research. Or you might start with James Clear and his revolutionary collection of cutting-edge research. I believe this is the latest milestone in the field. So internal motivation is important, but external systems trump willpower every time.

How does that help me? I mean, this article doesn't have to be a whole fucking thing. I just started writing it to get my day started. It was just about how unmotivated I feel about my freelance project, and how I'm struggling to make progress on it. It seems to me now, though, that I was missing things I actually care about. I've read a book a little bit, wrote some of these articles to expand my ideas, and am taking a bit better care of my health. 

I've ordered a few other things and made exciting plans to grow. Now, I don't mind forcing myself to do some work for this guy and earn some money for it. Indeed, the best anecdote is to start moving and find motivation along the way. There's also something to be said about community and connection, but that just comes back to self-determination theory, so y'all can look into that bit of brilliance. I don't want to talk about that today.

I just want to fully appreciate the fact that I actually feel like working on my full book AND my client's project now. I also feel like learning things for fun, after a long period of stress and anxiety. So, let's leave this shit at that.