Why I write

There are many days, especially when I try to create for any number of days in a row, where I clearly don't know what I want to talk about. Looking back, anyone can find that on those days, I just end up reminding myself why I started. Like a broken record on repeat, I tell myself about the greats, how they all had personal journals, & that if I keep creating every day, I'll eventually get better at it. So why beat around the bush? This is one of those days, so let's embrace this concept!

I really do love having something to do. "An idle mind is the devil's playground." comes to mind. Recently, I've been learning the meaning of inner work. I've been unraveling my thoughts & motivation, bringing my fractured parts closer together. I won't go off on a tangent here about mending & healing, but I have been genuinely questioning my motivations simply for understanding's sake. Sure, there is a crushing sense of terror in my heart of hearts, just like any other human being.

Like everyone else (I imagine) I seek greatness as a means to the end of absolute security. A person of ability is hard to reject & a high-value member of a group is certainly safer than others, in most ways. this much is for sure, I love to create. I dream of a life where I can make my ideas into reality for a living, not only getting paid for it but also setting them free, out in the world to make their own waves. What use are they in my head, after all? So there's that. 

Then, if I can't draw or animate at the moment, at least I can write. So far we have safety, security, fear, anxiety, love, & curiosity. What more do you need? It's not all puppies & rainbows, of course. the process of writing has many steps, and here, I am only able to practice one. I long deeply to create for an audience with a long-term commitment, which is not without its challenges. Creative self-expression aside, I have many ideas that haunt me, so that is reason enough.

Moving on to a more pressing issue, another quote comes to mind:

"You know, I sit in all these talk shows & interviews, and they ask about all kinds of things. But here's what drives me nuts: you know what they never ask me about? The WORDS. Like the actual words. I mean, as writers, what else do we have?"

- Stephen King to Niel Gaiman

This little thing has been driving me nuts as well. There is nothing more infuriating than looking at a human being suffering. And I don't mean the kind of suffering inherent to all living beings; I mean the kind exclusive to our breed. A creature cramped up in a little prison, sitting right there with the key, with seemingly no clue or memory. You see, we do live in the age of information, but we also live in a world that's free. 

This means that we might know anything we want, but we can just as well choose to suffer for no reason at all. Of course, things aren't always so simple. We don't live in a fairy tale land, people suffer, struggle, & cry. They get hurt, fall sick & they die. All a part of reality. Fates far worse than death lurk around every corner, with that much I agree. there is good reason then, to be afraid & to huddle up for warmth & comfort. I also recognize my own tremendous good fortune, blessings, gifts, & privileges. 

I certainly seem to enjoy countless luxuries that are straight-up never heard of by most people that I've seen. No wonder I have a different perspective, perhaps I have some clarity because of my advantages. But most people, they just seem to have it all wrong. They're looking for this inspiration, this mythical kind of idea that'll elevate them to a God-like status, miles above the rest of us meager humans. People are weak, dumb & limited. They make mistakes even when they're at their peaks. We're vulnerable, soft, fragile & erratic. 

We struggle and fail to no avail. Endless trials & tribulations, just for that certain dreadful fate? That's why we feel like we need to be special. In fact, human beings as a culture are obsessed with transcendence. Quite ironic if you ask me, the concept itself is an oxymoron. Nevertheless, we praise exceptionalism. We put high-achieving, unique individuals on pedestals, while we alienate the mundane & demonize the mediocre. 

The greatest tragedy, however, is one of attribution, rather than idolization. Praising someone special for your perception of who they are, whether idolized or real, is not as harmful as how you define their specialness. In fact, in many ways, both fallacies are connected. In believing that this person somehow became special because of some ineffable thing, you figure that most people lack that divine favor. Yet, the truth is something else entirely. As far as I have seen, there is nothing special about the exceptional ones.

The same means that made Mozart a genius, could very well work for literally anyone else. The secret lies in the mundane. Who cares about making the perfect strokes on a canvas? You just need that special style that makes you unique. It's that wow factor, the pizazz, a certain oomph, or a falalahazentrank kind of quality. Once you get that, you can be a great artist, because you can sell your work for a whole bunch of money. Nothing could be farther from the truth. There is no substitute for good work, except for dumb luck, but that can only work once or twice. 

Best case scenario, you live your life as an imposter, riding the high of a lucky chance for as long as humanly possible. You can also squeeze out every ounce of that shit for all it's worth, and then use it as a stepping stone for something else entirely, I suppose. Worst case scenario? You'll get outed for being a fraud, labeled as a pariah & suffer the consequences of notoriety. You might even make some real enemies that might wish you harm or outright attack you maliciously. I mean, of course, that might happen to a righteous person as well.

But the one who has truth on their side will always come out on top after enough time has passed. Exactly the opposite is true for the rest, unfortunately. So what's my point here? Well, plain & simple, it's not a special style or esoteric quality that makes a person valuable, it's their reliable, tried & tested ability to be useful. A dependable person knows their shit. They've mastered the fundamentals enough to fall back on them with their eyes closed. 

You might see their work as so unique that the basics are nowhere to be seen, but when something fits somewhere perfectly naturally, it is practically invisible. That's the value of mastery, fundamentals, & respecting the process. Even here, what am I doing? When I think of what I want to convey, hell, millions of writers, creators, & artists have said it again and again already, far better than me. The point is not to be better, to top them, or to be first. Whether it's the free market, the internet, the world of literature, or any particular culture. 

This fact remains true: What matters the most is in the execution. It's not about what you are selling or doing, it's all been done to death. But how do you do it, and most importantly, why? The answer to those questions is why people succeed. Who you think you are, or who you live for is of least consequence, yet that's what we are hardwired to care about. And the three things mentioned above are what define this identity. 

At the end of the day, if you find the strokes, the clicks of the keys, & the seemingly endless grind boring, if you think it's a waste & not worth your time, attention, or consideration, then I seriously suggest you reconsider your own judgment. The details are what perfection is made of, and it's where you can find excellence, success, & enjoyment. I see countless people around me who, knowingly or otherwise, are unmistakably miserable for the majority of their lives. They obsess over this special gift, this golden ticket that'll grant them immortality.

Yet it's a hollow pursuit that brings them nothing but pain & horrors. Searching for some wretched source of income and security, they only amplify their aches. All it ever amounts to is regret & it makes them bitter, angry, & annoyed. What could they have done differently? Perhaps, they could have stopped staring blankly at the sky & endless stars, like an insatiable addict mesmerized with an irresistible illusion under the influence of some trance-inducing drug. Looking back down on the ground, on the earth around, they could have found something more meaningful that'll fill their days with joy.

The grass is greener where you fucking water it. Enough said, yea? Well, you never know until you say it all out on a piece of paper, come back the next day with clearer judgment & fresh eyes, polish it, refine it, sharpen the good bits & drop the stale ones. Then? You publish it for a specific audience on the appropriate platform, get some eyeballs on it, take feedback, & iterate. No matter what AI-magic, inspiration, or voodoo you may apply, that's the writing process. 

It's always been the writing process, and it'll more than likely (in some form or another) always be the writing process. There's no getting around that. So, if you want to write a book? Learn how by trying it out & engage with the process. You want to do a business? My friend I sure hope for the love of God that you know how to take care of that business because otherwise, you're in deep shit. Life is hard & full of horrors no matter what you do, doing things the proper way, respecting reality for what it is, & adapting accordingly doesn't guarantee success, but it'll absolutely improve your chances. 

Some people even reach a point where they feel they've made their own luck, but such unhindered progress inherently requires a certain degree of luck. However, if you purposely choose to neglect what's right, in the drunken haze caused by your infatuation with the supreme, if you become hyper-obsessed with the overachievers until that's all you can see, it absolutely guarantees you will have a horrible time at it. So are you willing to achieve, no matter the cost? You might say yes, but if I ask you again in a decade, would you have the same answer then? What about the decade after that or the 3 ones after that? What about on your deathbed?

I believe that if done properly, the one short life we get on this earth can be a tremendous blessing far better than any heaven on Earth or in the eternal beyond. At the very least, it's far more than enough. A good life lived in a good way is worth more than a million "mediocre" ones. Because true mediocrity is believing that "they" are special and "you" are not. A good life recognizes us all as equals. It's fruitful & enjoyable & hard enough to make the good parts taste all the more sweeter.

Those are my two cents of wisdom over two days. To keep the spark alive & my ideas brewing, & to feed the vision that life is not a zero-sum game. It's meant to be lived to the fullest, and it's something that's there for us all, in one way or another. That's why I write & why I live. Anything less, I won't accept.