My Journey

There's a strangeness to writing, drawing, and creating in general. When you get an idea, it's like a beautiful, brilliant, all-encompassing fire that consumes you, a perfect vision of an end goal imbued with a very specific and powerful emotion. You know what it means to you, how you feel about it, and imagine this neat place in the world for it, and how other people might feel about it. But when you try to bring it to life, putting pen to paper and fingertips to keys, it never turns out quite as good. As someone who's been trying for almost a decade, I recognize it intellectually as an essential part of the process: the unavoidable, messy rough sketch, the all-important shitty first draft. "Before trying to make it good, first just make it exist." Get it all out on paper, allow yourself to work on it, and focus completely on taking one step at a time. That's what separates a professional from a filthy casual. Nothing wrong with being an amateur, but there is...

Today, I want to talk about my friend Malaika, wondering if she is still my friend, or ever was. In fact, many friends seem like strangers after getting married. I think the definition of friendship is very simple, actually. There are so many kinds of friends in life, and just like in all relationships, wounds warp reality until it starts to seem complicated. In truth, if two people like each other, they're friends.  The degree to which they like each other changes, and their friendship changes with it. It can be as simple as basic human dignity and mutual respect. "If you speak to me, I won't ignore you." Also known as our garden variety friendliness. But when we say that two people like each other, we don't think of civility, or even friendship. The first thing that comes to mind is romance. That's because the value of deeper friendships has been quietly eroding from our world. The reasons are many, just to name 3: - Demanding Commitments: We're doing f...

What does it mean to do good? Even the best, most useful solutions end up creating more problems. Look at all modern luxuries. When they aren't destroying the Earth, they're corrupting people, weakening them from within, and spoiling them rotten. One of our best abilities is to seel out threats and find new problems to be solved. That's what keeps us anxious, depressed, and insecure even in paradise. Regardless, the right action solves more problems than it creates. That's why it must be done at the right time and place.  Now, it's very hard to know other people very well. They rarely offer the best information even when they speak up. So, it's always best to start at the nearest source of problems, which is yourself. Opportunities to go beyond can be leveraged when possible, but we're all the foundation of our lives.  Knowing what needs to be done for yourself at any given moment, that is an essential skill of life. A problem well-stated is half-solved. The...

I do a lot of journaling and freeform writing here, simply putting my words on the page, because it was better than nothing. I stopped because it felt like it wasn't enough. How was jotting down my thoughts making me a better writer? I needed more deliberate practice. I needed other people to join in me in my pursuit to self-mastery and actualization. So I went out to pick something worth buidling an audience for. When I dig a bit deeper, the answer seems painfully clear. I have been avoiding the real work of storytelling. Instead of amstering a genre, I still need to try many more things. So, let's write a story today in the same way as I write things here. Let's just get our thoughts on paper.  The story is about making online content. Just as democracy decentrilized decision-making, letting anyone participate in the game of power, the internet did the same for fame. Anyone can start making efforts to join their local government, but they have to be a politician to win. A...

What is the purpose of life? Is it to do a lot of amazing things? When someone finds out they are going to pass away, they make a bucket list full of special experiences like skydiving, connecting with loved ones, or giving a speech in public. But it's not the same as what we chase most days. Right now, all I'm trying to do is get smarter, better, faster, stronger. So I can get richer, powerful and more lovable.  Part of me wants to jump in and say, "No! You're lovable even as you are, right here and now." Another part says, "Well then, why don't we have everything we need to be happy?" I do have everything I need, but it doesn't feel enough. I had a dream last night where someone I really loved with all my heart for a long time, a kind, beautiful, and awesome woman, also loved me back for the first time ever. It made me so happy my heart could explode. Don't we all deserve that? I woke up feeling a deep sense of lonliness. I wanted to become...

I've experienced something interesting. It was essentially a 2-hour lecture by Dr. Gabor Mate on healing. The first thing I want to note down was his understanding of compassion and the 5 levels of it: Ordinary Human Compassion: When you feel pain, so do I. This first level is something almost all of us are capable of some of the time. It's important but very basic. It feels uncomfortable when seeing the homeless and painful when hearing an animal cry out. It's what drives people to console someone who is crying, in hopes of making them stop. Compassion of Understanding: Going deeper to ask, "Why the pain?" This is essentially a deeper level of empathy that takes a closer look, seeking to understand someone with curiosity. It's about wanting to know who a person is, beyond their present behavior. It's what might drive someone to have a real, heart-to-heart conversation with someone to understand why they were crying. Compassion of Recognition:  Gabor des...

I'm a very healthy person. I love to feel deeply connected to my body and to ground myself in the never-ending present moment's blissful wonder. I'm always doing this effortlessly, naturally, and with ease, to the point where it is simply a happening that unfolds. I love feeling the support of my bones and skeletal structure, the strength and energy in my muscles, and the life deep inside my organs.  I relish feeling connected to the world with every breath as the air passes in and out of my lungs, enriching my body with vital nutrition. I like letting go of all the stress and tension I accumulate in knots, blocks, and leaks once they have served their purpose of keeping me sharp, safe, and aware.  I even enjoy and appreciate the thick layers of fat and the incredibly powerful, complex system that stores and maintains the energy to keep me breathing. I'm grateful for the light in my eyes, smell in my nose, sound in my ears, taste on my tongue, and sensations on my skin....