My Journey

I've been reading David Goggins's Can't Hurt Me for a few days now, and I've just finished the first chapter. Much to my surprise, the man challenges his readers at the end of every chapter. I have my own thing going on here, but I will definitely give this incredible man his due diligence. David shared his life story and all the bad cards he had been dealt, which he had struggled with his entire life. Real, harsh shit which actually holds him back even today. His challenge to me is that I must make a whole damn list of all my shit which holds me back. Nothing came to mind immediately, since focusing on problems tends to morph into excuses, I'm not in the habit of keeping a list. Nevertheless, I believe David is talking about facing facts rather than seeking excuses. Already this is something new that I had not considered: deep-mining to air out all your rotten, toxic, twisted bullshit whose grotesque extremities quietly creep into our skin, pulling our stings from ...

When I used to work in the kitchen, the work was simple. Show up, do as you're told, give a good service, ensure smooth operations by upholding the SOPs, go home, rinse and repeat. It wasn't easy and it was extremely tedious at times, but goddamnit it was simple. I wasn't passionate about food as such, just willing to do good work. The many months when I hated it and did not want to do it, I still showed up and did my job. That's what professionals do, you know? Unfortunately, after a good few years of trying, it seems I am still no professional writer. I struggle a lot with motivation, procrastination, and just being unable to move. I figured it was because of the industry; there aren't exactly SOPs and protocols to follow in creative writing. I thought it was a systemic issue; There was an inherent need for me to use my brain, which somehow warranted motivation, or so I thought. I figured that in the kitchen, I was simply going through the motions, just following ...

Yesterday was a great day off. I decided I won't do anything productive at all to get some rest so I can continue to give my all for the next week. I talked to a friend, watched anime, ate good food, watched the new Avatar, and watched the FIFA finale. It was all so amazing. It was difficult not to do anything though because I really wanted to. I had built up to it the whole week after all. The habits were starting to form. The work was gaining momentum. I didn't get great sleep last night and slept feeling hungry. Today I woke up late feeling lazy, ate breakfast asap, and didn't do shit. I didn't do anything at all. My room was a mess. When I tried to do something I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by all that has to be done. Nevermind my basic obligations, but all the secondary things like cooking and shit. So I ended up lazing around all day, jacking off(literally too), and then over eating to relax. Now I pretty much feel like shit. It's late again and I w...