Modern Chronicles Part 1: The Burden of Civilisation

Sometimes I find it hard to be a person. Trying to understand everyone, weaving a stroy that fits into the  world's narratives, it can wear you down. That's why being a mindless animal is so enjoyable. No thnking, doing ot feeling, just being. I've learnt a lot about the world, and yet there's this endless stream of information. If you enjoy solving puzzles, there is no end to them in sight. I try to remember to let go of things as much as possible. I often feel like letting go of my dreams and ambitions. 

There is nothing more satisfying to us animals than figthing for our own survival, in a natural habitat. Being surrounded by lifeforms, in a shared envirenment that belongs to everyone and no one. Such a place requires one to fight for their own piece of the pie. That is what we are designed to do. The modern world, by comparision, is incresingly dreadful and boring. There is little to no wildlife to be seen. No creatures to look up to or down upon. No sign of the living that can stand with us on equal ground. Everything is supposedly our own.

Our cities, countries, nations, councils, work, comunity, life, home, buildings, family, friends, games, and vehicles. My name, my identity, the clothes on my back, the hopes and dreams of my mind and heart and soul. My death, my mission, my past, future, and everything in between. It all feels so artificial. Where is the inherent joy of existence? Was there ever any in the first place? My endless curiosity is the only thing that keeps me going. 

I once philosophized that since man is of nature, everything that came of it must also be natural by definition. Yet the only creatures I see around me, seem to exist in relation to me. Cockroaches, rats, and mosquitos are bad because they spread diseases harmful to humans. Butterflies, bees, and dogs are good because they help make our food and keep us company. The trees, onceans, and wildlife are great in general because they are part of the global ecosystem, unless god forbid a wild bear comes into the city in search for food, in which case it must be shot down for safety reasons.

What is the alternative, you ask? Are we to just lie down and take it? Perhaps it is more nobel to just die in my opinion? Everything has its pros and cons for sure, but we'd be foolish if we fail to acknowledge the follies of this insane modern existence. Each organism desparately clings and fights for its own life, and that is most definitely natural. But perhaps, just because something is natural, that doesn't make it inevitable. 

I believe in awareness above all things. Why is it that drug use, gender politics, and global unrest has our panties in a bunch? Why is that that I spent the majority of last month binge watching the entirety of TWD, a show about life in the zombie apocalypse? And why were those two weeks the most enjoyable I have ever had in months, if not years? Through awareness, one might hope to avoid being crushed under the immense weight of this burden. The burden of civilisation. 

For there is nothing worse than feeling like everything about our life is all wrong in some way or the other, and not having the slightest clue what it might be. I wish I could say that we can fix it if we know about it, but I highly doubt it at this point. It's not hopeless or anything, with a lot of luck, we might turn things around in a few dozen centuries perhaps. Either way, it's important to look around and see the ways in which we suffer.

It is a perfectly acceptable fact that everyone has their own vices. Food, drugs, weed, sex, alcohol, music, attention, art, money, or domination. But more commonly, scrolling online like a mindless zombie, living vicariously through TV, video games and other media. I've never really felt like doing anything else in the wild. I've been more than happy just sitting there, looking around. You have to be alert, after all, anything might happen.

But within the walls of my room, the safety is suffocating. It makes me feel restless and uncomfortable. Going back to the forest analogy and our natural habitats, we have all kinds of proxies around us to meet our basic needs. We play sports instead of hunting, play us vs. them for a sense of community, and do all kinds of crazy things to feel like we belong. There are richer people to look up to and poor ones to look down upon. I'd say vice is the ultimate proxy for wilderness itself. Unpredictable, grounding, dangerous, and most importantly, adventurous.

Adventure. What a concept! Our entire way of life caricatured into a mere genre of media. I stick with my self as much as possible because things would be way too boring without it. There is no adventure in this world unless we make it.