My First Year in Marketing

I think it's only appropriate to write here now that I've decided to leave my full-time job. That's because before joining this place (where I am writing from currently), I was writing this kind of diary-style steam of consciousness blog very often. While I aimed to do it every single day, I think I only managed an average of 3 posts per week lol. I used to do it primarily as a means to the end of becoming a better writer, which seems so strange now. Now, I did come in and write for a few days in the middle, I think, but mostly I haven't had the bandwidth to keep this thing going.

I put in my resignation almost a week ago, but I just had a discussion with my about it boss, and I feel all kinds of messed up because of it. So let's get into it man, let me pour my heart out on these pixels. I gave my interview in a mix of serendipity and turbulence. One year ago, in February, I had just spent 3-4 months in suspended animation after my last gig went belly up. It was extra rough because I tried to handle a project with my dad where we built a WordPress website. Niether of us knew what we were doing.

Still it was an interesting time where I had to figure out how to handle projects from A to Z. I didn't achieve much, but I really applied myself to the exercise. In the process, I thought a lot about branding, sales, PR, and business. Then this place called me up, just because I updated my online profiles randomly. I knew the vibe was off from the first second. It felt old and stale. The people looked like losers, but hey, at least they had enough money to keep the lights on. I hated most of my time here. The first three days were actual hell, because they ignored me and didn't give me anything to do at all. 

I find it so much harder to just pass the time doing nothing than to be worked to the bone. I guess I have a lot of inner work to do. I'll be honest, I started writing this yesterday when I was feeling a lot of volatile emotions. Now I'm at home and like 36 hours have passed. I still want to get into it, but I don't feel quite the same. Anyway, the more I saw, the more it seemed like a hopeless dumpster fire. The senior people have become these mutated parasetic creatures that have nothing to give anymore. They just want to get a salary for as little work as possible.

There is no culture to speak of. People come, they bring their ideas, do their thing, and everyone just kind of bumps into each other, trying to get out on top. But it's really hard when you don't know what you're hiring for. It's not just about the technical skills needed for the job, the reasons, motivations, and processes are just as important. For a long time, this place was just survival for me. Just keep your head down, learn as much as possible, and get through it in one piece. I waited for the worst of them to leave, which was most of them. Four of them, to be precise. Some people, I just can't work with.

It's one thing to do what you can because that's all you know. It's another thing to not care at all about anything. I don't know how so many people can just do things with zero interest or passion. I just think life is too short, I guess. What was so bad? The usual. Festival posts, a complete lack of interest in the client's business and zero understanding of human psychology or behavior. Not to mention terrible communication skills and a disdain for doing research. When most people just want to pass the time, it's pretty much impossible to do things right.

Eventually, there came a point where everyone left, and I could do whatever the hell I wanted. Just 2-3 months ago, I suppose. Not to mention the fact that I took another side project (which I should be attending to right now lol). The side gig should soon pay me just as much as my salary, with a fraction of the work. Plus, I like the client and believe in their brand's potential. Safe to say, I'm facing a burnout on levels I've never before concieved of. I'm also trying to help my mom build her own brand, obsessing over personal projects, and beating myself up for not taking care of myself AND others while I do it.

While there is a lot of stress and pressure, there is also an undeniable sense of statisfaction. I don't need to do SO much just to feel happy. I don't think I do. Yet my actions might suggest otherwise. Perhaps I am a stranger to myself after all. I honestly believe that there are these awesome things I want to do. Movements and cultures I want to be a part of. I really think it's just because of how fun I think all that will be. Do I need to achieve great things just to be happy? I don't think so. Sure, doing nothing, being completely dependant on others and having no prospects is a perfect recipe for anxiety. Still, imagine how good it'll feel to fall in love with beautiful people who care about the things I care about.

I can close my eyes and feel them out there. I know they exist, I see them online! Surely, it won't be easy to find them. It will take a lot of sweat, blood, and tears. But I'll find them eventually if I keep going in my heart's chosen direction. Eventually, I'll find others that have ventured from their own homes along the way, and what could be better on a journey than companions who are headed the same way? I was going to talk about a lot more. How I learned one thing after another. The biggest thing I learned was how little I knew, what not to do, and where I needed to improve. I guess I've been into a creative field for a few years now, ever since I left the kitchen. 

Yet I've only completed my first year in marketing this month, and I can't help but feel some kind of achievement at the growth, clarity, and vision it has inspired. Hopefully, I can soon start applying it all to what I care about the most; the things I really want to do. Until then, I guess it's fine to keep your head down and get through it in one piece. What more can you really hope for than that?