Why so Guilty?

It's not that rare for someone to feel the need to prove themselves worthy of existence. It's far more rare for someone to naturally be themselves, with no guilt or shame. Why is it so? Why do we feel bad for wanting to feel good? Well, you can't feel good all the time. You need to earn the right. Okay sure, but who decides that? 

Most norms that we take for granted arise from commonalties in our experience. We all know personally and intuitively, that too much of a good thing is bad. This truth is merely a pattern, a conclusion made familiar by repition. But habits are what make or break us. You can't teach an old dog new tricks.

So what's wrong with that? Nothing. (Let sleeping dogs lie 🤭) Everyone hits a wall eventually. Why bother struggling against the inevitable? Except sometimes, the smallest changes can have the biggest impacts. People become actors at 80+ age, start working out at 30, and reinvent themselves at 42.

Life is long in hindsight but short in practice. That is a key challenge. I always think of that experiment with the rats and the cocaine water. When researchers have the former access to the latter (alongside the regular stuff, ofc), the critters drugged themselves to death (pretty sadistic, innit? Well I dunno what actually happened but that's what I remember lol).

Yet, years later, another researcher pointed out that rats are social creatures. So he redid the experiment, but other than the cocaine water, he also gave the rat the company of their peers, good food, clean water, and some exercise shit if I recall correctly. Surprise surprise, this time they did not choose the cocaine water.

A bit of an extreme example to counteract the feeling of guilt, perhaps. Yet what are these patterns but another form of sick addiction? We beat ourselves up for falling short, doomscrolling, and bed rotting. We feel unworthy to speak up because we don't recycle or live a zero-waste lifestyle.

Perfectionism is not the enemy here. Ideals are the spice of life. Goals give us something to strive for, just as games are simple fun. The missing piece is love. Why feel bad about enjoying reels and shorts of your favourite celebrity? Is it other people's judgements holding you back?

Is it fear of those judgements? Or perhaps you should be doing something productive that improves your life? In fact, we all crave and deserve positive relationships in our life. We all need someone to look up to, someone who makes us feel good, and inspires us to be better.

If you get that from a Kpop artist, who cares if people judge? I get it from John Cena myself (I CAN see you, you immaculate gentle giant 🥹😭). Not too long ago, people would get stuck in their little ruts, beating themselves up without making any progress.

They had no way of knowing their limitations, whether they were self-imposed or forced by circumstance. Many found refuge in religions, leaders, and belief systems. God, or some version of her, was the first one who made them FEEL okay. 

In many ways, God is an emotion (the holy spirit, as they call it). It's the feeling of pure, unconditional love showered over your limited being. Just as God is said to be all forgiving, this feeling, state of mind, or sense of life can be channeled by anyone, at anytime.

You don't have to earn God's love, but in the words of Bo Burnham, "If you want love, then the love has got to come from you." This isn't a trick or a test, just look inside and forget the rest. God, love, value, or success, it all begins within, always ready for access.

So if you feel guilty, then feel guilty all the same. Just know that you might be missing something more fundamental than money or fame. It's not all puppies, rainbows, and kittens. But have some love for yourself in your heart, as they say, "It's later than you think!"