My Journey

I haven't written here for a long time because I thought I had found a good place to practice daily writing at my recently joined job. I figured it's good to practice writing while getting paid for it. I realize now that there were many other benefits to writing here. Sometimes you need to let some shit out that isn't necessarily worth listening to. Many times you need to let go of things but are unable. Pretty often you need to say something when there is no one around to listen. I went to watch a Bollywood movie called Bhola today. It was directed by and starred Ajay Devgn. I felt like it was pretty much irredeemable, most of the things that are wrong with the medium rolled up in one. I watched it because my boss took us all out for a treat. It felt a little torturous but hey, I'm a team player. Anyway, I realized that the six other fellows didn't see eye to eye with me. None of them liked the movie either, mind you, it was the reasons for disliking it that we dis...

Frederick Neitzsche said that you are your own worst enemy. Words that became popular because of how profoundly they resonated with anyone who heard them. "You" and "Enemy" stand out here. You meaning the ego and enemy being an entity that would bring you harm. Thors said that you don't have any enemies. There is no one in existence whom it's okay to cause harm. There is no justification for brutality. There is no redemption in destruction. Whatever is, grows further. These words have never left me ever since I had heard them.  I must admit that I am inclined to lean toward Thors statements, although the two aren't contradictory. The ego is not a solid recognizable enitity, nor is it a multi layered mental construct. The onion analogy is useful for describing the nature of the ego, but there is a little more to it. The way I see it, ego is a phenomenon. It's an experience that happens to some living creatures. It's like a spell cast by the enviro...

I'll never make it as an artist. I lack too much in talent. I'll never make it as a director. I am too introverted. I'll never become rich. I am just too careless. I'll never find love. I have never found companionship thus far. But I never thought I'd make it this far. Why does my mind wage war against me every time I try to break free? For once in my life, I wish to be alone. For the first time ever, I feel like a real man. The truth shines brightly within my heart.  I am happy to suffer more. I have made it here already.

Nobody wants to be a writer. It's much better to let those magical thoughts, images, and ideas remain like magic. So much better to let things remain unsaid. Who wants to remove the veil that shrouds certainty? To know is to be burdened with awareness. It's responsible, sensible, and sound. It all seems so dreadfully dull on the page, drenched in black and white. Why would anyone wish to take that vibrant idea, so colorful and free, and imprison it into words, open to analysis, to be butchered, dissected, torn apart, and rearranged, until little to none of the original form remains?  Nobody wants to work on a single thing for years at a time. Looking at the same thing repeatedly in a vacuum, day after day, always thinking about it yourself, always working on it in your head. Nobody wants to be alone, working on a series of words to put their name on, something worth reading for other people, pouring all of their being and life energy into it, only for it to be released into the...

A warm cup of tea is fuel to the soul.  The plant grows in beautiful stretches of hilly plains where cascading shades of glistening green, sunlight, and shadows orchestrate a magnificent symphony with the wind. Its leaves breathe in fresh crisp air all year round, giving off a fragrance so blissful, such a heavenly aroma, that no man can deny it. Upon drying up the leaves under the sun, further condensing and fortifying the flavors, the leaves become a force to be reckoned with, able to give even the decadent vanilla bean a run for its money.  The British take these leaves and soak them in warm water, about 70-80 degrees Celsius for about 5-10 minutes, to extract all of this gorgeously refreshing flavor into the beverage. They were the ones who really bought it in India. The Indians saw it and thought of spices. Both of them: are devoured through the nose; Have powerful metabolic effects upon ingestion; Cannot be consumed on their own; Can be balanced with other tastes and fla...

I have a lot of thoughts and ideas that I want to see come into this world very badly. The uncertainty that this current constant state of flux brings, where it seems like the future is more unpredictable than ever, arouses a real sense of urgency in me to prioritize these creative fruitions on one hand. Yet there is also a natural inclination I feel to just dive in head first into my creative process. I admit there is a sort of desperation that has arisen within me because of all this. I understand that being reckless is dangerous, and it can cause anxiety for others sometimes, but there is a deep faith within me that says that this is the way. Whether it makes sense or not to anyone else, whether it is actually feasible or not, or if its consequences will be predominantly good or bad. Even if it seems a bit extreme, risky, senseless even. Isn't that the true nature of faith, though? Isn't that what we call courage? Then there is that fundamental prerequisite, essential to the...

While nothing has changed on the one hand, nothing remains the same on the other. All the lives that have touched me and my experiences have changed me forever. I can never go back again. My mind has transformed along with my heart and soul. Something has clicked like never before. I learned a lot in the past two months. 2023 has been exceptionally good for me.  The last time I tried to fix myself I was trying my hardest but feeling like it was never enough. I had accepted that shitty feelings are part of the process and I just needed to keep going strong. I pushed myself really hard. I went above and beyond until I didn't. I crashed, failed, and burned to end up much worse off than I had started it seemed like.  This time is different, just like last time, and the one before. Each time I am leading with experience and none are alike to another. Starting off again, it is very clear to me that I have to pick that one thing and I have to prioritize the rest. That one nonnegotiab...