A Quick One

I realized how pointless feelings can be sometimes. Here I am spiraling out of my mind because I'm worried about results and how I'll never get fit and stay that way and how I'm fated to suffer with all this when I realized that today is the 5th fucking day of my mother fucking fast. Like seriously dude, way to jump the gun buddy. Anyway, I'll make this one quick because I'd rather spend this time writing down ideas for characters and working on my own articles.

I am going to stop taking each and every feeling as a serious call for action from my intuition and higher self and god knows what else delusional shit that I was on. It's better to stick it out for a month or two before deciding to change things like these. I ordered a book for content writing and I think that is a wonderful idea. I also just realized that I'm so busy I'm not even thinking about any of my self-destructive habits, much less wrestling with them.

There are so many things in life that I want to do. So many beautiful experiences worth having and things to explore. Always a new thing around the corner that broadens your horizons and shows you something unexpected and wonderful. I think this is what it feels like to fall in love with life. I consider myself so fortunate for being able to see it, experience it, and taste it for myself. I suppose I have to if I am to add to it all one day. So yes I am working my ass off every day, and things are becoming more mundane and boring, yet why does it all seem so magical? This is one of those great paradoxes of human existence, isn't it?

I think I'm going to quit alcohol and avoid it whenever possible. It's a real waste of life. So is smoking anything I suppose, but I'll leave that to another me. I wonder if this little writing exercise will pay off in any meaningful way? I thought the only reason to write things online was for other people to see them, but I think it's a nice way to organize and record your mental workings. Anyways, I'll just try to stay on topic and focus more on the things I learned in the day to keep it purposeful rather than just type up all my introspective self-conversations. 

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