Slow and steady

 Progress is weird because the more I make, the less it seems. I wrote another article and felt like I could do more content writing long-term for money. I hope I can because it agrees with me. I'm doing my best but kind of feel bad about all the extra fat right now as the day comes to an end. The whole day I was so busy moving from one thing to the next. I would say I was very successful, I mean when I make goals for the next day I don't expect to achieve them, I only expect myself to try. Yet today I achieved the major things I set out to do yesterday.

I want to pat myself on the back. I had wished to work for myself the way I used to for others in the kitchen, and I am developing some real dedication here. I was so busy I didn't have time to think. What a bliss that was! So yea I did well for myself today. But I won't deny that right now I feel a bit down because I did not do any drawing and I feel it's time to sleep. I want to write more articles and work on my story as well. Yet when I realized all that, I suddenly feel like shit about being fat and unhealthy. Like lol wtf bro. 

They're just thoughts and transitory feelings though. I look forward to getting great joy by sticking with it all and continuing to do my best. When I think about it, I don't want to do anything else at all until I am insanely proud of myself. I learned a few things about writing and about Coffee today. But that seems inconsequential to the skills I am working on developing. Feels good to let everything out here on a page honestly, not that this was the intention for these posts. That's what happens when you write without thinking I suppose. I'm excited about doing this just as an exercise and then coming back after a very long time to see if something came out of it. At the very least, I want to stick with everything I am doing for at least a damn month man, like every day, without fail. After that, I would be fine with falling off the wagon for a few days. But as things are, I want to keep going like this.

Here's to remind myself that it's not a race. That I can take my time and fuck up and still make it out just by doing my best. But if I want to push ahead and go faster, I celebrate that wholeheartedly. I want to make the most out of every single second. I want to feel the rush again. Not mindlessly serving someone with their food as I was trained, but serving my own highest ambitions. I want to read faster, write faster and better, I want to waste no time at all, not even a single second. I want the vast majority of my days to blow by just like today did, and I want to do it for myself and the things I love.

So I want to wake up even earlier, which seems fine now, I want to maintain my feeding times, which seem to be working great. I want to get a little bit of exercise every day and that seems to be taken care of. Now comes the heavy lifting for tomorrow. I want to spend some time dedicated to professional content writing. I can do my quotas, for tomorrow I have one, and finish that comic. Somehow that takes priority even if I don't want it to. Then there's applying for other platforms which can wait a while.

Then I want to write my own blogs and articles. Let's say one for them and one for me? seems fair. In the meanwhile, I need to schedule a time for the daily drawing. Doesn't have to be much but I am unhappy unless it's done daily at least, if not even more regularly. Then I want to have some time for writing my story. I need to schedule that as well. Furthermore, I'd love nothing more than to increase my inputs. I have that storytelling masterclass and speed reading course. I have the vocabulary book and the non fiction one I'm reading. The more things I cross off, the more I can replace them with. Now, this is truly exciting. One step at a time isn't that bad at all. Ironically I feel the same as I have when I was just slacking off. Except I was smart enough to know it would only get worse. So although I feel the same shit, the guilt, the shame, the doubt, the fear, anxiety, and loathing, I can at least look forward to the next step and the one after that, forever, while a few things might get better along the way. At least I know for sure that some things won't get worse.