Drifting Digressions

I wrote yesterday about the guilt I felt for having a happy and relatively easy life. While I do not feel particularly emotional about it like I did yesterday, it is still on my mind to some extent. Although, it does feel like I'm trying to hold on to this feeling on purpose so it doesn't slip through me. I want to act on it and address it in some way rather than just accepting that I am currently incapable of helping others and that I should simply focus on building up my own life. 

It's just that everyone is so busy trying to build themselves up as well. That's the second thing on my mind today: How we treat each other. It's especially pertinent since I'm working on a campaign for a luxury brand, but I do feel compelled to address the problems of the class divide and how it might be tackled on an individual level. It seemed to me like leading by example was the best option for me. If I keep my head down, treat others right, and do great work, I'm sure it'll make a difference eventually in one way or another.

I see a lot of sickness in the world, though. People hurt themselves and each other in hundreds of ways with and without realizing it. Most of them justify it in one way or another. Now, it's safe to say that I'm no saint. I truly fear the darkness within me at times that would run rampant if it could get away with it. I'm sure I would sell drugs for profit if the situation presented itself to me. I might even take advantage of a women if I knew I for sure I could get away with it. I fantasize about inflicting great violence, and brutal abuse to people, for simple whimsical pleasure.

I judge people freely and shamelessly under the guise of a search for truth. As if a supposedly nobel mission can justify at least some level of nastiness, because what? The ends justify the means? How bad of a cliche is that? Doesn't everyone and their mothers know that ain't true at all? Time and time again we see that over a significant period of time, whatever is, grows. So, you reap what you sow. Why then, do good things happen to bad people? And why do good people get stuck in horrible situations? 

Dr. Xavier Berchard once mentioned something about the victim inviting trouble with their vulnerability, well, it was implied anyway. I think it's safe to say that everyone has evil within them, just waiting at the door. We are all nasty, selfish, hungry animals waiting to pounce on the juciest thing available. Everyone wants to sit around, do nothing, and have everything come their way. That's why death is the great equalizer, because reality is nothing more than a collection of non-negotiables. 

When I spell it out like that, isn't it precisely that devious nature that makes devine acts meningful? "I would've rather knocked you out with a rock and bit the flesh off your neck just to have something interesting to chew on for a few minutes, but instead, I'll help you get to your feet and on your way." (I've always been curious how it'll feel to bite the flesh off a living creature lol). Here's something interesting about that, once you know a person's true intentions and inner thoughts, their actions suddenly change in meaning.

Going out of your way to help someone who's down is a saintly picture when divorced from the savior's character. But if the savior is a monster that devours living beings for pleasure more than survival, suddenly even their mercy loses it's luster. I believe that speaks more about our minds than it does about morality. It exemplifies how our brains evolved to protect us from percieved threats. It's a well-documented fact that negativity looms twice as large in its impact compared to its alternative. So it's not that the saintly actions have lost their value, it's that the suffering inflicted is twice as heavy as the same amount of happiness created. 

I suppose the sheer senseless brutality of knocking someone out just to find out how a piece of their neck feels to chew on, is far more heinous than giving someone a little food, shelter, and support. Even then, good and bad can be entirely subjective. That's why might often dictates right. That's also why I've always tried to have as much overlap as possible between the truths of reality and my own notions of what's good and bad. 

Big Brother says that "Killing is Evil" and calls it the truth. I call that man's truth, a.k.a. the law of the land. Now, killing might not be good or bad, but in reality, violence begets violence. In this way, I've always tried to connect laws with facts. I have drifted so far away from how we treat each other or how I can start to help others out better. The thing is, I keep wanting to write more articulate pieces here that are focused and thematic. That way, this practice might yeild more useful results, but I can't really put a lot of time into something I have to do every day.

The whole idea is to improve over time and letting the small improvements pile on over time. Sometimes it becomes a journalistic diary entry, other times, a concept, exploration, or throught experiments. And then there are days like today, when nothing seems to connect, and all I have are a bunch of incomprehensible ramblings that aren't worth the power that lights their pixels. I wanted to touch upon how we affect each other and what it means in life. It bothers me how I treat others and how I make them feel. I become very self conscious about it. 

Yet I also judge the hell out of them. I can't bear unintelligent, lazy, ugly, and blatantly ignorant people. I don't expect everyone to win, but at least we can all agree that something is bad, right? That's a dumb thing to say, though. People know right from wrong, but they are often unable to do the right things because of some reason or another. That's why they end up accepting their ugly fate, rather than try and fight the inevitable. So I suppose what I truly dispise is actualy a lack of courage. Misfortune is reality, but cowerdise is a choice. Giving up is a choice. 

Sometimes, people are unable to choose for themselves, though. I guess I got into this before talking about the social because it's important to understand the components before their relationships. And today especially, this is something that has affected my relationships with others. Well, ultimately, all value comes from other people, just as an individual's value is measured by others. Isn't that the most important thing?

I think it'll be nice to write one article a day for myself, anywhere I want, and of any kind, instead of just doing it here. For example, I love the idea of a new blog full of the most difficult things in life. The taboo, the untouchable, all that stuff. Any way, I won't break my streak one way or another. If I can't come up with anything in particular, I'll surely be here to ramble on aimlessly once more. Today is one of the hard days when nothing seems to connect and you just can't focus. Gotta love it though.