The First Month Endith

As the first month of the year comes to a close, my few regrets over how I've spent my time are easily eclipsed by my many accomplishments. Safe to say that so far, this has definitely been my year, and that I've made it happen all by myself. I mean perhaps not all by myself, I've certainly had some help, but I had a hand in it as well. 

While there is a lot more to be done, and I'm quite frustrated by my pace, level of effort, and painstaking progress, I am optimistic about what's ahead. Usually by now, I would be burnt out and looking for a way out. Safe to say that I've learned to dig my heels in and stand my ground, if nothing else. For that, I'm quite proud of myself. One day, I hope to make others proud of me as well. I aim to be of great use to them and make a real difference.

I want to have a much more palpable positive impact. I hope that the anger, sadness, and frustration I felt today, that insatiable hunger and drive for progress, will only grow from here. I hope there's a lot more pain, suffering, and sadness in store for me to keep me moving forward and under pressure. I look forward to the hard times ahead, and cannot wait to embrace the suck, flialing my arms and legs to no avail.

I want to burn myself out. To tackle my weaknesses, because I really want to grow stronger. I want to grow and proceed and I hope to God that he'll keep throwing the things at me that'll fuel enduring grit and real power in me. Consider that my prayer as I move ahead to the next month and push myself harder than I have ever before in my entire life.

I also wish to really narrow things down to a few concrete options that refer worth my time, energy, and efforts. I do not wish to run around chasing every shiny thing I spot. I want to go deep into a select number of things that can really allow me to contribute productively to future collaborations and just do good work. I feel like I'm spread too thin. My vices are more manageable than ever, but I need to lock it down a lot tighter than this. 

All in all, I'm on the right path, headed in a beautiful direction that I believe in, and more than anything else, I'm grateful. Grateful for the many opportunities ahead of me and my propensity, will, capability, and aptitude that might actualize their potential. I'm glad for even having these ideas in the first, my wonderful self-awareness, and whatever limited physical, mental, emotional, social, cultural, and financial gifts that I have been so graciously blessed with. I'm glad my parents decided to give birth to me. I'm glad that I came out into this wonderful wold to lead this beautiful life. 

I desperately hope that everyone else in the entire earth and every other creature may get to experience many times more than the joy, happiness, success, love, meaning, purpose, peace, passion, pain, and pleasure that I have already in my amazing twenty five years on this earth. If I die tomorrow, I hope everyone knows that I truly lived to the fullest without any regrets. I was overwhelmingly fortunate and exceedingly fulfilled with so much, so often. Whatever little I have, I would dedicate it to all my fellow human beings.

My body, to science, my words, thoughts, and ideas, to my family and loved ones, along with anything else of value. I hope that one day we can love each other beyond religious, political, geographical, and economic differences. I've always tried to work towards a world where we all live to uphold values of courage, compassion, and creativity. I pray that we can learn to share more freely.

Amen