Another Note

I know I wanted to make notes out of the books I have to study and write more meaningful things here, but I think the occassional diary entry might serve useful in a different way. It's certainly a stress releiver whenever I feel wound up and alone. It's like, talk about yourself as much as you want without any consideration for anything else, there's nobody listening but some future you! Quite comforting, in a way. I wish everyone was more capable of taking care of themselves in a similar way. It's also nice to get my thoughts in order and put things in perspective.

You can't help but gain some clarity when you write things down. That's why I've decided it's best to sit down with a book, pen, and paper to make notes physically. No better way to ingrain that shit into your being than carving it out through symbols using your own nervous system, manually, analog. I should also acknowledge that I often worry about my health, and that of my family members. If I know for sure one way or another, I can accept it or commit to a plan of action, but it's the not  knowing that kills you. That tight discomfort in your chest, shallow breathing, and skeletal aches.

One doesn't know what to make of it. Thoughts come up like "Is it always going to be this uncomfortable?" "Have I broken the vessel?" "Will it only get worse from here physically?" and they leave me feeling dreadful, wanting to take a hit of some drug that makes me numb to it all. But that's how I did the damage, and surely that'll give me a small momentary comfort in exchange for far greater pain in the future. I'm trying my best to take care of myself and I'm sure it'll be fine one way or another. I know I'll make the best of it, I always do.

I suppose this is what freedom tastes like? Peaceful, calm, serene, beautiful. All in all everything feels quite pleasant. I'll try to remember that all kinds of people have made miraculous recoveries from far worse conditions, although I wonder if that includes smokers. A quick google search and some medical videos told me that there are certainly many potential issues that could be causing my restricted breathing and quite a few solutions to explore as well. Still, it's good to know that just because I've smoked myself retarded in the past doesn't mean I'm fucked for life.

And all that is beside the fact that there is much about a body that's still beyond science. Either way, I should say my thanks for the week or whatever. I'm grateful for my dog Cookie. She is a sweet angel who listens to me and is gentle toward everyone, the perfect baby if I've ever seen one. I'm glad I get to reap so many of the rewards of parenthood without paying even a fraction of the price. I'm glad for my understanding parents. My forgiving, compassionate, and empathic mother. My enterprising and clever father. I am extremely fortunate to have them in my life still and enjoy a pleasant relationship with them.

I'm also grateful for all my blessings. My intellectual gifts, keen awareness, healthy brain, and strong body. I'm grateful for the time I have on this Earth. I'm so glad for everything I have ever experienced so far, good, bad, and mediocre. I'm glad for everyone I have ever met and all the lives that have touched me. I'm thankful for all the connections I've made. All the people I've met have been wonderful and kind to me, this city that I reside in has been so welcoming and hospitable. The wealth, the riches, the knowledge, and experiences that have been passed down to me. The dreams, the mission, and the will that drives my life and fills me with meaning, it is one of my greatest treasures. 

All of it, has been the most wonderful gift. Even the curses have managed to support me through their crutial roles. What was sent to destroy me has made me thrive. The gifts I was bestowed with have filled me with joy. Everything that has ever come my way, all of that which remains with me now, and all the rest which is still on its way, I bow down with my head to the ground, and graciously accept it all with a heart filled with gratitude and open arms. Thanks to all the people I've ever met once more, I hope all of you are taking care of yourself to the best of your abilities. I aim to do my best so that, one day, I might be in a position to help you in a meaningful way. Until then, I thank you for holding on. 

I'm also overwhelmingly grateful for this endless stream of excellent ideas that I am constantly blessed with. I've been having a ton of great ones these days, and even had more than a couple of good ones today. I'm grateful for the honorable opportunity to live up to each and every one of them. I'm glad to see so many people unite under the saffaron flag. It's a beautiful and heartwarming sight to see people genuinely caring for something bigger than them, their competition, and their fortunes. I only hope that those that are left behind can also find their own salvation. 

People think that hindu vs. muslim is the conflict of the moment. That this glorious celebration of Ram is an ominous insult to the followers of Allah. While there are extremists and sadist exceptions everywhere, in truth, the single biggest most threatening divide that plagues us is rich vs poor. Violence between the people of different faiths might be spectacular in its sheer madness, but the divide between the haves and the have nots is what's truly tearing our world apart. It just happens to be that the worshipping minority is also poverty stricken. That's the solution to this issue, removing a person's faith altogether. 

Whoever is running Ayodhya's campaign is a bona fide genius, although I imagine the Ramayan was very much a group effort. I'll end on the fact that there is a lot of work to do, and I sincerely hope to be of service.