Maturity

One time, I was in a cafe with three other people, when one of them asked what it means to me mature. I was quick to start talking since most of the people were younger than me and I felt that I was the one being asked. I mentioned awareness and immediately got shut down by the person who asked the question. "I don't think so" she said. "I feel like I know many people who are mature that aren't necessarily aware of a lot. I don't think it's related." The group moved on to politics etc. It was always an odd bunch and we had gotten together for work anyway, but I was trying to say something else.

I was referring to self awareness, and by extension, awareness of other people. At the end of the day, you'll never really know what it feels like to be someone else, but if stories have taught me anything, it's that you can develop empathy for people regardless, and perhaps a large part of that is getting in touch with the many parts of yourself. You see, I don't really like babies. I've never held one in my arms, nor have I had any positive experience with them. But when I see an archtypical ideal mother in a story (like Erased), I feel the love in that relationship.

I can imagine that nurturing instinct, the maternal spirit trying to protect a weakling from any harm, and it makes me think of my own mother, and perhaps what I might feel for my own child one day. Is it my own experiences that I imagine, or that of this ficticious character? I think there is a noteworthy distinction to be made there. They say that separation is an illusion, and that we are all intrinsically connected, yet it has been my experience that all individuals carry the instinct to look out for themselves first and foremost. Although many people don't act in selfish ways, which is to hint at the point I'm trying to make. 

When it comes to something as palpable as feelings, we are all self motivated. We can only feel our own, and that's more than enough to keep us busy. Even in the case of watching a super mom on screen, without even internally connecting it to your life, the image is actually created inside your head. You don't actually know what she feels, until perhaps, you go through it yourself. So even if you keep things at a distance, trying to form objective opinions, they are all personal, tainted by the very ink being used to note them. Ultimately, to really feel something you have to make it your own.

That's why I've never liked the term "Everything is connected." It's so broad that it doesn't really mean anything. Instead, I prefer the line, "You are not a drop in the ocean, you are the entire ocean in one drop." The implication being that within you is the potential to be anything out there. That your connections to others can be truly felt from places deep inside your soul. I'm not sure if this is scientifically accurate, but they call it the spark of life. The brain acts through neural activity, that are essentially electrical signals. So at our core, we are comprised of the same nature, and that would be pure energy. 

How do those two things connect? Just because everyone is esentially energy doesn't imply that we can all feel each other's experiences. At least it doesn't seem like that on paper. I feel like there's something there though. My experience with acid introduced me to so many parts of my brain that I was never aware of. I could think about flying and literally feel like I was soaring through the sky in my gut. Does that mean that we can feel anything we imagine? Perhaps yes, if one was on acid, at least. But who's to say one can control what they wish to imagine under the influence. Anyway, I digress. I guess my point was that even though we are all conected, we are also separated.

At least in Waking Life, we are all trapped within our bodies, and wired to ensure our survival. Hence, it just makes sense that the conscious mind dedicates all its energy in trying to tend to it's own body, it's own life, thoughts, feelings, emotions, and choices. So that's why I prefer this way of thinking, where you understand others through your own lived experiences, acknowledging it as mere imagination, like a painting or illustration, only representative of a certain reality rather than actually existing. But real life does exist. No one needs to observe a polar bear in the north pole for it to exist, and real life is concerned only with its own perpetuaty. 

That is exactly why the subject of a person's attention is a great sign of maturity. It's natural to look out for yourself, but selflessness has to be learned and practiced with great difficulty. To look after another is to sacrifice and give with no expectation of return, so in many ways its utter madness. That, to me, is what it means to be mature. It's that feeling of wanting to look our for another. It's being aware of how your thoghts, actions, and choices affect those around you. Yet it's also about doing so while striking a precise balance. That's why simply being selfless is not equal to maturity. The more I think about it, maturity implies a linear progression. It describes a blossoming or blooming of the flower, the emerging of a butterfly from the cacoon, representing an object or process that has reached fruition, achieving its highest potential, and ready to be harvested or consumed.

For humans, mature ones are indeed consumed by others. Sexually, intellectually, creatively, socially,  culturally, and economically. Any adult is perfectly free to engage in any of those relations, in fact the truly mature individual is idolized for it. It's essentially the point of self-actualization. When does a person self-actualize? It's when they are most useful to others. But why is that so difficult to do? That's because it requires a balance between the self and the other. Almost all situations in life are win or lose. It's kill or be killed. Eat or be eaten. Give up something now for something later. Sacrifice yourself or the other. And that's how most adults see it. Any relationship has a person who is settling.

Any business deal has a sucker in it. If a person wins in an interaction with another, the other must be losing by default. This is the dark underbelly of countless adults. This is the "real world" that the majority has adapted to. Most people have learned to live this way, since it feels so dark and gritty. They are making the hard choice, after all. They are doing what lesser men wouldn't have the stomach for. Yet there are far greater people than the ones on this level. In fact, a far greater majority of people will never come across a win win situation on their own. They might get lucky, but it'll just as easily go away. If one wants a win win situation, they must work effortlessly to create it. They need the support of others to co create it, to reinforce those walls that are constantly erroded by the tides of simple circumstance.

Such is the life of the mature adult. That is the way to the highest excellence. For why would anyone work if they can never taste the fruits of their labor? Their body would deny the idea. They would give in to the pressure of that weight, they'd slow down and start taking it easy. Or worse yet, they will expect everyone they help to return the favor! Instead, maturity find sources of motivation and personal gain that encourage the assistance of others. Ever the mediator, they are constantly solving problems, making compromises, finding common ground, and building bridges. This is the highest potential of a human being. And indeed, I believe it is impossible with a ton of awareness. I would like to live in a world where a group of friends can have a real discussion about things like this, without cutting each other off or misunderstanding. 

I'm always trying to create a world where we ask questions rather than make assumptions, where we can try to look for ways to accomodate our peers, letting them express themselves to their heart's content. If nothing else, all I've ever wanted was to create as many win win situations as possible, because if life was truly a zero sum game, there'd be no point in living.