Lost Ideas

I find myself having to think about what to write here. Throughout the day, I have certain feelings and ideas that seem impactful enough to unpack and explore further. Thinking to myself that I'll write about so and so, I have this vague image for the general vibe of an article I will write. Yet by the time I sit down, It's pretty much gone, wiped clean. I fear that I will lose the wonderful visions I had about all those fictional stories. On a practical level, if my ideas are flimsy enough for me to forget them so easily, they probably weren't worth that much to begin with. As you might know, I've always considered myself somewhat of an idea man, but I also knew early on that this makes me essentially worthless.

That's because any joker can come up with an idea. While wars are won and history is made only and only through action. What matters most is to have ideas that I can actually act upon, those are the most valuable ideas of all. So should I just focus on ideas related to food since I already have some authority in the subject? Well, the thing with ideas is that you never know until you try. That's why I love writing so much. It gives you a unique opportunity to test ideas free of cost. All you need is time and energy, both of which are available in great abundance. Fleshing out your vague visions into precise words requires you to make sense out of them.

To put something on paper is to create something pre-tangible. Ultimately, words are kind of boring. A bunch of black scribbles on white text. They demand excruciating attention, pain staking analysis, and annoying interpretation. Text is bland compared to reality, but I suppose it is flexible, if nothing else. No one would argue that Tom Swayer is an easier read than Ayn Rand. Obviously, a ton of work has gone behind both. This is not to discredit the efforts of the authors, but in terms of non sustainable resources, writing consumes very little. So it's cool to make a habit of it and to practice noting your thoughts. As to which ideas are worth executing, that depends on the sum total of all the ideas. Once you have them on paper, you know quite well which ones are worth pursuing.

For instance, what were some of the ideas I've had in the past few days? Something about philosophy, religion, and the motive behind writing. That was inspired by a certain interaction from a devout Buddhist that visited our home. Then there was something about choise and control. This was inspired by how I turned around a shitty day for myself. I had woken up feeling like shit, anxious about my work, finances, and ultimately my place in life. I felt like escaping hard, but the positive inertia of my past efforts swayed me to a different direction. I wondered what had allowed me to do something I had failed at so many times before. Some ideas came up and hinted at the answer. And so, I figured this was worth putting down on paper. 

Billions of people struggle with the issues of choice and control every day. That's certainly a problem worth solving. I suppose that's the thing about ideas, they all come from somewhere or the other. Nothing happens in a vaccum, stimulus is required for a responce, no effects without causes, etc. In this way, one can always trace back their sources of insipration, although it doesn't work all the time, sometimes the input is too vague and sporadic, other times it's way out of left field, and often beyond your reach. Yet when it comes to things that are useful, they rarely exist in those realms. At the end of the day, all this is just work. You can be extremely passionate about the craft or the end product, but when it comes to reality and out of the world of imagination, everything becomes boring, difficult, and extremely demanding.

I believe that anything worthwhile has to come out of suffering. That's the value you ascribe to it. The depth of your struggle and pain becomes the height of your achievement. That's why there's nothing wrong with dreaming, having ideas, and then losing them. The most useful things of all, the ones that are worth working on, already have tons and tons of references. When you are ready for the commitment, just choose your the parameters of your project. Remember the things that made you feel the most strongly, and you will know where to find inspiration when needed. Until then, do what you can. For me, that means writing about those ideas on paper. This is about learning to explore, it's about developing a solid foundation of a creator.

To become a creator, you just have to create. Engage in the knitty gritty. Get lost in the parts that make the whole. Once you have created enough for a long enough time, something starts to shift. Slowly and steadily, your entire being starts to adapt and mould into the shape that is required of it. As you show up each day at the fucking crucible, some days you will be unprepared. You will have ideas that suck, and you will definitely lose some on the way. What's important is to play the numbers game. We all overestimate what we can do in a month, and underestimate what we can do in ten years. I'm here to play the life-long game. I'm here to be a part of something far bigger than me. Once you put aside the limiting perspective of the ego, you are open to letting go of these supposedly personal ideas.

This frees you up for even better ones in the future, and allows you to actually make progess. There's no point fussing over something that's gone, just look to the future and come up with something new. That's the mind set of a winner. Because the winner is simply a doer. They are unbothered by winning and losing. More often than not, they don't even care to achieve their goals that much. Okay, that last part might not be true, but the point is that you can't win without playing the game. You might not be the one to cross the finish line and get credit for the achievement. You might not be the one to reap the rewards of your hard work. Take solace in the fact that this will be a poor, hollow, empty, and miserable world without the people that do the work.

Take solace in the fact that for all the injustice and senseless horrors, there is still far, far more glory in playing the small part of pulling your own weight. It means that you, however puny and powerless, nevertheless can be one of those few that power the engine of the entire world. Your efforts are the chain that moves the world. For things don't happen on their own. A king cannot build a castle with gold alone, he needs to rely on the poor. Now that I think about it, there is a lot more win win than I had previously imagined. At least there is a lot more potential for it, if only people can learn to get out of their own way. On another note, I'm starting to feel the limits of these articles. I can only write so mucha bout these ideas in a stream on consciousness before I start going in circles. There is a horizon in the view where this execise will lose it's utility. For now, there is much more to explore, but soon, I will need to start working on bigger pieces. I will have to start polishing and working on a finished product. 

There is something beautiful about preparation, though. All those training arcs in animes and movies, they're certainly on to something substancial. But after a certain point, one has to walk into the ring and start fighting the good fight. While I will continue this practice dilligently, perhaps it is time for a detour to keep things interesting? I can always fall back to these ideas in a pinch, that's the whole point of practice, but it's time to start experimenting a bit more.