Small Regrets

I'll cut to the chase here since time is of the essence, I didn't do much today either. I had planned on hitting the Frosic project hard today, but instead, I found ingenious ways to procrastinate. I went shopping, did chores, chatted with people, and when that was over, I jacked off and drank some beer. In fact, I'm going to drink some of that orange liquor next. I feel unapologetic about it, although I also felt like getting back on the wagon with Neil Gaiman's masterclass.

What do you know? This is the most journal of all entries I've recorded here in recent memory. I felt like scoring today, and gooning for a few hours. I probably shouldn't mention that since it's incriminating to a certain extent. Oh well. I suppose today could be considered a massive failure after all. I've enjoyed it, but I've probably had more than enough enjoyment in my life already. I ate so much junk, I feel I'm going to burst. It'll be digesting well into the evening tomorrow. 

Aren't I sick of this shit already? Consuming mindlessly, being by myself, unproductive, and lazy. Apparently not. Or I'm just a glutton for punishment. I know one thing for sure: I'm sick of feeling sorry about myself. So I blew the whole day off, so what? Let's think about what we can achieve instead of dwelling. I just need to keep a tight lid on my sleep schedule. Sleep between 11 to 3 at night, and wake between 8 to 10. With that, my diet and exercise will be sorted. 

As for work and all that, I just have to get it done somehow. I desparately want to do it, but then not really. It seems as though I've done some real damage to my brain after all, with all that edging while being high. Still, I'm sure things are far from hopeless just yet. Let's hope that I'll feel better tomorrow, and that I'll be in a better position to get my shit together. I've thought so much about Frozen Music's brand, but something just hasn't clicked yet. 

I don't know what it is. It's a luxurious brand that's obsessed with artisty and craftsmanship of intricate designs. They make highly detailed patterns on noble materials using traditional methods and techniques honed over centuries. There's a certain air of royalty to their work since they only work with the best, most rare materials available. They create pieces that capture the beauty of music into solid form. They turn the intangible feelings and visions of inspiration into concrete works of art. These artifacts can be enjoyed by touch, sight, smell, or feel. 

I've considered looking into art and music, and exploring the why of them both, but it felt like it was becoming to abstract. In general my biggest problem with this ideation is that it doesn't feel tangible in itself. I'd be lying if I said that I hate the idea of earning my living doing things like this. It feels so natural and fun to engage in this process of copy writing. Branding, content creation, marketing, it seems like a gold mine waiting to be tapped, begging me to take it more seriously. Every fiber of my being is saying that this is where the money is for me.

Plus, I also feel like I can really make a difference in all this somehow. Like a well-written ad can make a real difference. That might be a bunch of baloney, but if I believe it, then maybe I can get others to believe in it too. All that remains is to try and see. I really do have to get my shit together and kick things in to top gear though. Don says that his people are one of the best at doing what they do, part of that skill is letting creative be unproductive until they aren't. It's nice to see the creative process getting a certain level of respect for what it is: messy and unpredictable; Just like real life!

Whether it's a bird from an egg, a plant from a seed, or anything else, the process of creating involves the confluence of varying factors. Who's to say that one way is better than the other? I am just glad to know what I'm built for, and what's worth putting my heart and soul into. There are many other things I am grateful for as well, but let's leave that for another rainy day, shall we? For now, let's ponder on our small regrets, and aim to reduce their recurrence as much as humanly possible. I'm sure it'll all pay off one day, even though it seems like a waste right now.