Life Is Strange

It's weird how some days you do your very best and achieve ten different things, but you don't feel content at all. In fact, you tend to feel anxious about not having done enough. Yet on other days you can do absolutely nothing at all and still feel on top of the world.

I don't know why I say that's weird, it's not like your level of satisfaction is tied to your productivity or something. It still feels a bit strange, though. I did nothing but watch the entire last season of Mad Men today. All but the first couple of episodes, I suppose. Yet I feel as though I started at the face of God, tasted ambrosia, and glimpsed infinity. 

I'm more happy and at peace than I remember being in recent history, at least. That show really was something special. I've felt the high of drugs, video games, sexual pleasure, and food quite often, but this was completely different. While they made me feel empty, guilty, and shitty on the inside, this was a powerful spirirual experience. Like going on a trip, doing acid, or that feeling in a concert when everyone sings together in unison. 

One is horrifyingly self-destructive, while the other is blissfully constructive. It feels like it's filling you up and making you whole. Like you're a part of creating something bigger than yourself. While the others make you feel burdened by the crushing weight of your own existence. You feel the need to justify yourself, and try your very best to doge the issue.

I also realized that I may want to do a lot of things, but I'm not interested in running amuck. I'm hungry, not desparate. I might ache and long for things, making me feel restless and uneasy. But I refuse to let myself be carried away to a stray path because of it. Here's to trying our best, and enjoying the rest. May there be many more days like this ahead!