The Indominable Human Spirit

I hate talking about myself too much, so it bothers me how much I use "I" in this blog. It must be the side effect of learning writing from Ann Handley, but I guess I want to create things that are useful for other people, and that involves a lot of "You"s. Truth be told, writing here is one of my bare minimums. It was supposed to be non-negotiable. But I've missed many days in a row regardless. I'd decided to let myself be, to lean into who I am and what makes me, me. If I'm sporadic and always going through phases of ebbs and flows, then so be it. That's why I've started to change the dates on these posts.

I know there will be a period when I'll ache to do more than one of these per day, so I'll do two and make up for lost time. I don't want to punish myself and be at odds looking at all the inconsistency while looking at the dates. At the end of the day, I'll do anything it takes to keep going. If I have to slow down at some times and sprint at others, I'll do it. If I have to take a break instead of quitting, I'll do that. No matter what it takes, I want to build myself up to a point where I can stick to a way of living that sits right with me.

I want to live freely and without regrets. I want to honor my ideals and the many people I've learned from. We all want to master ourselves. I don't that this is a condition unique to me. We all do it in many ways, and this is the way I've chosen after much deliberation. I've also chosen to be alone now, while I build myself up. Every person wants to do all these great things, but do they not want to pay the price for it? When they really start to get into it, they realize how demanding thier dreams really are. No matter how big or small, each dream demands more than just the best version of a person.

There's more to it than doing your best and showing up. Eventually, your dreams will consume you, they must destroy you to your core, and possess your being. That's what awaits us on our journey to absolution, beyond simple evolution, there lies a transformation. We don't just fall into a different version of ourself, some sleeping dragon that's waiting to be awoken. We must shed every inch of our skin and reveal the gross underbelly of our true nature. After that? Destruction. Out with the old is easier said than done. We weren't meant to walk around as an empty husk while there's still air in our lungs.

How does one become no one? Our bodies do it every day. Within a decade or so, not one molecule in us remains the same. Everything goes, everything changes, and it happens piecemeal. And so we must do this bit by bit. Yet, it's no laughing matter to chip away at yourself. Simply showing up is well and good, nothing will happen until that step is firmly established. But this is a reminder of what's waiting for us, each time we do show up. This is what the process is. It's ugly because it's brutally honest. It's scary because it's undeniable. All you really have to worry about is showing up, but until you become aware of what's happening, you will always resist that first step.

Once we realise what's in store, most of us decide it's not worth it. That's the sensible thing to do, after all. Only a fool would choose to push a rock up a hill, when there's a recliner back home in their living room. Why be Sisyphus, when anyone can be Dionysus? The luxuries afforded to the lower middle class in 2024, can justifiably be compared to the Roman emperors of old. Then again, why do we want something more in the first place? Ask anyone you want, and 99% of them will vehemently express their desire for more, and the unbearable pain of their day to day, if they're being honest.

This is what they mean when they talk about a spiritual crisis. I'm sure you must have heard about it. "In this day and age we have all the technological know-how and resources to solve all of our problems. Instead, for the first time ever, it's the spiritual challenges that hold us back." Does that mean we all belong to different religions and can't see eye to eye? That could be the surface-level reading. I think it refers to the fact that we all know exactly what we want to do, and for the first time ever, we know how to do it. If you don't, then all you have to do is look. 

But once you have glimpsed the proverbial Godhead and had those revelations, the path ahead is harsh and difficult. In short: we know what has to be done, but we can't bring ourselves to do it. How can you know love without ever tasting it? Similarly, how can you believe yourself capable of more, when you haven't done anything at all? In theory, it's simply a leap of faith. In practice, it's pure insanity. Think about it, what does it mean to take a leap of faith? It means to jump from the plane without a parachute, and rather than gently floating down with an angelic glow as a reward for your courage, you feel the immense pressure of the atmosphere, kicking, screaming, and flailing about, regretting your decisions immediately, crashing against birds and branches in horror, and hopefully living to tell the tale. 

To have faith is to have courage, and there's a fine line between the brave and the stupid. What you should take away from that, is that fools are indeed admirable, especially if they're insecure and terrified, but even if they're simply reckless and ignorant. 

What a horrid way to be. Could you blame anyone for settling in to a comfortable life? I certainly wouldn't, after all, they'll pay the price for it themselves. Forget being a burden on your loved ones in your old age, there's nothing more horrifying than watching your body deteriorate and feeling powerless against stopping it. Just ask Robin Williams (R.I.P.). What's more, you can do everything right, and still get cancer, dementia, or suffer some other terrible fate far worse than death. So why even bother living in the first place? Well it's safe to say that people had it way worse in the past. How the hell did they do it?

That brings us to the topic at hand, and the title of this piece. This brings us to that aspect of human nature, nay, that characteristic ability of life itself, that has enabled us to reach this point in time. It's that same thing that drives us for more, that insatiable greed and hunger. It's the will to conquer. The will to excel. The true shape of the indominable human spirit. It's not a spear or some weapon. It's not a tool to be channeled, nor a warm glow of light, waiting to enfold everything it touches in a warm embrace. From where I sit, it looks more like a fist. 

A symbol of power that's inept at doing major damage. A versatile extremity with opposable thumbs, capable of delicate craft, armed with dexterity. Yet, instead of an open palm with bent fingers that may portray this potential for creation, it tightens into a fist. A fist that tries to grasp that vision from the future just as much as it celebrates the present. It lets you feel the strength in your hands, however inadequate against a lion's claws, and the triumph of existing in spite of the odds. 

For a fist might not be a great weapon or the most useful tool, but serves as a good reminder that life is a game, that it's far from over, and that you are still alive with the controls in your hands. And the best games of all are: a) challenging b) require you to master yourself and c) devoid of any inherent meaning, other than pure fun and simple pleasure.

Even if nothing may go my way now or in the future, I'm grateful for this awareness. I'm glad to see this spirit, alive and well, thriving inside me. Each time you envy someone more attractive, each time you hunger for riches, you can close your eyes and feel your spirit through those fists. Waiting to grasp what's out of reach, making you aware of what's here right now. Your strength, the warmth of your blood, caused by the beating of your heart and the air in your lungs. That alone will never change; as long as we live, the spirit prevails. 

And if you ever feel terrorized by the tyranny of this game, as if being held hostage by an infant's endless demands, simply loosen your grip. Put down the game, remember that it's your choise, and you can always choose to do nothing if you'd prefer. In fact, take notes from the monks in those monastaries and make time to do nothing, it's one of the greatest luxuries of all!